Being a Stepmother
Choose to live with a man who has children from a first relationship, it also means running the risk of being rejected by their children. Of course, the stepmother before has nothing to do with the modern family.
- Be the madrastraNo always easy to get along with your new partner’s children. Surrogate mom, good friend or sworn enemy … Children see their stepmother differently depending on context. How to maintain a harmonious relationship with them? How to find your site? Here’s our advice.
How to find your site and do you accept?
Choose to live with a man who has children from a first relationship, it also means running the risk of being rejected by their children. Of course, the stepmother before has nothing to do with the modern family. But nevertheless, the stepmother arrives and upsets a sort of equilibrium of the child and, above all, the secret dream ends with the parents back together.
• Accept your children: you have not educated the child wanted or your partner. Represents the memory of his mother, that is, your man’s ex. Therefore, you have to keep things clear from the beginning: it is the past and you’re the present! As for the offspring, it is appropriate, before any confrontation, you are familiar with the idea that he and you certainly will cohabit.
• Do not replace your mother!: In any case the stepmother should play the role of the mother. Remember that you are in his sights, that for him are his father’s mistress and, therefore, you’ve “stolen” the conjugal bed room with her mother. So, do not play to become the second mother or the super friend … That would be an excessive step. Although at first this may have fun, you’ll like much less with the passage of time and circumstances of life. Be content with your role as a partner, while sympathetic, tolerant and you can talk nicely. On the other hand, the situation is the same for your partner if you have children.
• Be open and tolerant, like this child is not yours, your partner may have described you as an idealized way. The result: you do not seem very attracted and even it may seem irritating. Be strong and try to approach him. And if the child is distrustful and even aggressive, try as you can stay calm, and think that the small, after separation from their parents (although it makes a lot of time), is deeply affected.
• Become respect softly if it is give your attention to this child, it is also about who respects you. In adolescence, it is sometimes conflicting. The solution: strive to be discreet and avoid inattentive reviews and other reflections. Instead, learn to stand firm if you feel you speak badly or disrespect you. And in case of conflict, also ask the parent to intervene.
• Learn to handle the issue of her ex: no authority to come on your part, but the mother and father. On the other hand, know that even if the mother is not physically present, is very much on the mind of the child. And sometimes, unconsciously do everything he can to regain her affection. Ideally, of course, that you show, nevertheless, a certain respect for the mother and father relationships are cordial. Also try to have good relationship with her, for your interest. The child will see that there is a dialogue between adults and has a right to appreciate you.
• Make time for your children: if you’re a mother, it is also important to think about making time to spend with your children. You have to do so they will not feel left out and to integrate as much as possible within this new family.
• Give time to time: Although the relationship is not a good time at first, and fear not your relationship issues! Because sometimes, kids need time to accept a stepmother. Time, patience and understanding certainly will play in your favor.
The father plays a crucial role!
He also must learn to live with this new family pattern. Child must have spoken to you before you start a life together, introducing you as the new woman he wants and you want to live. It is also clear that this will not change her love for him. Should represent sweetness, but also firmly in the beginning. Their role should be to facilitate daily relations between you and the child, and moderate potential conflicts. But in any case, your partner must be outside, saying that the problems are solely between you and the child and that it is better not get in the middle. The secret to success is to integrate well at first and then keep it that way.
Finally, know that the child live with your partner does not mean you should focus only on their welfare. For your partner has every chance of long-term work, you must also know the family separated from you by granting you time and show the child the strong ties that unite you. Coexistence is good only when the family is together.
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